Current Mood:
Anointed
There will be moments in your walk with God when it seems like He’s called you to hardship and keeps putting you in places where you feel alone, forgotten and forsaken. But the words “seem like” and “feels” doesn’t necessarily reflect the reality. Your reality becomes that which you give the greatest attention to, and in this case, it can be your feelings OR His Word. Your feelings change upon situations and circumstances, but His Word never changes regardless of situations or circumstances.
.
My child, I will never leave you neither will I ever forsake you!
.
Sometimes it feels as though there’s no bit of truth in that statement when you’re looking at increasingly dismal surroundings, and the people you had to leave behind in order to go where God is leading you seem to be doing GREAT! I mean Tony the Tiger Grrrrreat! They’re advancing in ministry or discovering new relationships or their businesses flourished; meanwhile, you’re on the other side of nowhere experiencing pain after pain, heartache after heartache, longing for something that seems close to normal, and wondering how you’re going to make it.
.
“God, where are You and what are You doing? When will this be over?” Or better yet…
“God, I thought this part was over!”
.
Then the next thing you know, your spirit is compelled to read and meditate on II Timothy 2:3-4:
You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
.
Talk about words of encouragement.
.
“Is that all you have for me, Lord? Is that Your encouraging me?”
.
No. Remember what I have told you. Remember what I have shown you. Remember what I’ve said to you less than a week ago. Don’t be dismayed nor distracted on the things that are before you. You, my dear, just follow Me.
.
Tears fill my eyes.
.
But God, I feel so discouraged. I feel completely displaced. I cannot return to Virginia because that’s no longer my home. I can’t return to New York because that’s no longer my home. And here in ATL, this is not my home. God I feel displaced. And though You have given me great words for what’s to come, it is getting increasingly difficult to get past what is now. I’m hurt. I’m bruised. I’m tired.
.
Yet, follow Me.
God, all I see is brokenness and loneliness. All that I had is now gone. What I used to have was taken away and what I have now is not good enough.
.
Where are you looking at, My child?
.
All around – my surroundings. God, I hurt. I’m not strong enough for the task You’ve given me. I’m not the soldier that You’ve called me. I can’t do this!
.
You’re right. You can’t. Not without My grace and My Spirit, but because both are within you, you can and will do this. Even if you decided today that you didn’t want to do this anymore, there is something on the inside of you that is more powerful than your feelings, much more substantial and concrete than that which you see, and it is that which drives you, My dear. And that is My Spirit.
.
With tears streaming from my eyes….
.
I want to give up. But I can’t. Because my love for you is what’s truly real. The ache in my soul for You will only grow more intense than what it already is. But God, sometimes things seem so unfair. Sometimes, I just want what is normal.
.
Which is?
.
I don’t even know anymore! I know what I used to think, that is, before you corrected my focus from the seen to the unseen. And while yes, I need a HOME and I so need a CAR to live in a county where even public transportation isn’t available, what supersedes these things is You God. A part of me is angry about it, at least at this moment, and I don’t even understand why. All I know is that I love You and I can’t stop. Where can I go? There is nowhere to go. My destiny has been sealed and I am who You say I am, not man and surely not me. God, all I know is the pain I feel right now, God, and I don’t want to feel it no more. I don’t want it no more.
.
So cast it upon Me, because My beloved daughter, I deeply care for you.
.
God, sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. I feel so afraid and so alone; as though I am way over my head. But I know that isn’t true because it’s not me who brought me here, but You, so I look to you to sustain me. However, I do know that I am in way too deep to turn around. And even if I wanted to give it a serious thought, to where would I go to?
YOU’VE CHANGED MY LIFE……… FOREVER!
I don’t want to go back even though I don’t like what I see right now nor how I feel. I know too much! I’ve tasted and seen that the Lord is good and that His mercy endures forever. I know who my Messiah is. I have the witness of the precious Holy Spirit residing within me. Your Word …… IS ……My….. Life! I am far from perfect, but my heart is indeed pure, and when You said, “Seek My face,” My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” I CAN’T turn back, Lord. My life belongs to You.
.
You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
.
With a tear-stained face and a broken yet determined heart, I say…
.
Yes Lord!
.
Real Talk Part II - 2011
To read Real Talk Part I written in 2009, go to http://www.naimawilliams.com/blog/2009/12/23/real-talk/
(Last 2 Scriptures – II Timothy 2:3-4, Joshua 1:7-9)
© 2011, Naima Williams. All rights reserved.
