Determined

“Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”

- Job 13:15

This week has been more challenging than any other week I’ve had this year.  Actually, this has been the case since last Friday (2 weeks ago) at which time I wrote about the beginning stages of this testing period in the entry titled No Weapons Will Prosper.  

I must admit these last two weeks have been very painful and has kept me on my knees in prayer.  I know I haven’t any solutions to the problems I’m facing, only God.  Even if I did, I’d still lay it all at God’s feet because I am determined to do things His way.  I am no longer running or trying, but instead doing as God leads me.  I’d be the first to admit that I don’t know many things, but one thing I do know is that I am determined to serve God with my whole heart and whole mind, and I am determined to lead His people (both saved and unsaved) to intimacy with Him, for this is the burden He has put on my life.   In actuality, He’s charged ALL believers to “Go ye therefore and teach all nations”.  I take my charge serious; for I’ve learned that if my life isn’t lived doing these things, then my life is extremely unfulfilled, and severely lacks peace, joy and rest.   I’ve been there before, running from God, and experience has taught me that there isn’t a place I can hide.  Moreover, I’ve learned that the life my Creator has given me isn’t for me to squander but rather for Him to live through me so that His people is touched, taught and ministered to in whatever way He sees fit!  I’ve since yielded myself to His authority and humbly accept every call and every burden that He’s put on my life – to the glory of God! 

Though this is the case, this doesn’t make me exempt from pain, struggle and testing.  This is au contraire.  Paul words it perfectly in Romans 5:3-4, “but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  Another way to look at it, summing it up into one word is process.  Everyone must go through a God-ordained process, especially those who have a mandate on their lives.  Our suffering isn’t always about our sins, but instead based upon God preparing us for a particular service.  Hence, the process begins.  You see this illustrated repeatedly throughout the Bible: Moses went through it (the process) living 40 years in the desert before God charged Him to go back to Egypt and get the children of Israel freed from bondage; Abram went through it when God told Him to leave His country and family to go into a land that God will show him; and even Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness for 40 days to be tempted by the enemy, and this happened right before He began His earthly ministry.  We cannot run from the process God chooses in order to prepare us for where He’s sending us.  Trust me, I’ve tried and to no avail.  However, honestly speaking, we really don’t want to escape the process because it’s the process that prepares us to do what we’re called to do.  We cannot successfully do what God’s called us to do while carrying around the baggage of yesterday.  A great example of this is the children of Israel.  They were God’s chosen people; however, they could not possess the Promised Land because they still had an Egypt mentality though they were no longer in Egypt.  Consequently, God had to process them to get Egypt out of them, which unfortunately took 40 years due to their unfaithfulness and unbelief.  With that said it is with humility and joy that I prostrate myself before God so that He can break me and make me according to His will and purpose.  Halleluyah!

It’s amazing because in my suffering I still bless God with more determination than ever.  I love Him and my greatest desire is to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  Just as I wrote in entry titled Are You Willing to Pay the Price, there isn’t a price too high to pay for serving God.  It took me years, tears and experience to finally get to this point and I fully understand the weight of such statement; for it will be tried and tested.  This explains why I am going through the things I’m experiencing right now.  I’ve had close relationships severed or adversely affected because of my decision, but I will continue to walk worthy of the vocation wherewith I’ve been called.  As of nearly nine months ago, I haven’t an income, and it’s only by the grace of God that I still have a roof over my head, food and utilities.  As a credit conscious person, I had to watch my credit, which I worked so very hard to establish, get severely affected.  It is, however, only for a season.  I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that my life’s goal is to be all that He’s called me to be since before the foundation of the world.   It is His strength and love that sustains me.

In all in all, I’ve learned this: there isn’t a man, nor a friend, nor a career, nor a substance or thing that can keep me or sustain me; ONLY JESUS.  Walking in the opposite direction will only prolong the journey that I MUST take in order to be effective in where God is taking me.  With great joy and even greater humility I marvel at God because I know that there’s not a man nor a woman nor a demon that can keep me from what God has for me and where He is sending me.  The only person who could disrupt this process is me and I have determined NOT to.  I’ve instead determined to be a Master Crucifier of Flesh on a daily basis so that God can be glorified in all that I do.  Interestingly enough, I’ve learned the more I humble myself, the more God exalts me.  That’s not an initiative of any kind, but rather a fact.  The humility that God has given me is due to Him getting me to see how incredibly weak I am.  I cannot do anything without Christ, and I mean nothing, and this is something I learn more and more each day.  There is a desire that resonates deep within me for me to go where He says I go, say what He says I say and do what He says I’m to do.  He is still pruning me and processing me, and though this is a continuing process, I can see where a lot of old habits has dropped off.   To God be all the glory!  With that said, I’d like to end by sharing a Scripture that encompasses all that I’ve said, which is in James 1:5, “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

Precious God, I pray that this testimony reaches the hearts of your people, inspiring them to look at their own relationship with You, in Jesus’ name.  Help them to see through Your eyes the beauty and value that You’ve stored in them, and put within their hearts the desire to stand still and let You have your perfect way in their hearts and in their lives, in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

To God be all the glory!

© 2009, Naima Williams. All rights reserved.